Did you know....
*The average child spends only 12.5 minutes in communication with his/her parents
*On average a child receives 400 negative comments compared to only 32 positive
*The single most important determinant of Children's self esteem is the perception of how much they are valued by their parents
This week I am starting "Parent With Me" Different things I have and am learning about parenting. I'm not always right, as my kids will surely tell you if they had the words. I'm not always perfect, so these are things that work FOR ME....so Parent with me....tell me what works for you. Don't have kids? Doesn't matter, tell me what you think might work.
So let's talk about power and the toddler. Thomas thinks he has the power....his job is to misbehave. That's his job as a toddler and he is training his replacement, Christopher. So I have learned that his perception does not equal the truth. So if he feels he has the power his little tantrum stops. But the key is NOT to fight and definitely not to give in. It's the moment you take away his "power" that a tantrum continues.
I try to give my boys a choice....simple choices so that they are age appropriate. They have a choice of this or that. I am learning not to overpower them, that causes them to rebel and be destructive....that is NOT the way I want them to grow up.
I am learning that giving them a choice of "You can either do this, or be punished". Well what kind of a choice is that? I don't want them to be afraid of a choice. I want them to feel empowered by having a choice!
So right now my biggest issue with Thomas is changing his pajama shirt in the morning. He knows he needs to get a different shirt on, but he says no he wants to wear his pajama shirt. I have often thought of letting him go to school and telling everyone that it's his pajama shirt.....but then that is just letting him have his way and that is nothing but a downward spiral. I want him to learn to dress himself and pick out his own clothes, but they are going to be appropriate.
*The average child spends only 12.5 minutes in communication with his/her parents
*On average a child receives 400 negative comments compared to only 32 positive
*The single most important determinant of Children's self esteem is the perception of how much they are valued by their parents
This week I am starting "Parent With Me" Different things I have and am learning about parenting. I'm not always right, as my kids will surely tell you if they had the words. I'm not always perfect, so these are things that work FOR ME....so Parent with me....tell me what works for you. Don't have kids? Doesn't matter, tell me what you think might work.
So let's talk about power and the toddler. Thomas thinks he has the power....his job is to misbehave. That's his job as a toddler and he is training his replacement, Christopher. So I have learned that his perception does not equal the truth. So if he feels he has the power his little tantrum stops. But the key is NOT to fight and definitely not to give in. It's the moment you take away his "power" that a tantrum continues.
I try to give my boys a choice....simple choices so that they are age appropriate. They have a choice of this or that. I am learning not to overpower them, that causes them to rebel and be destructive....that is NOT the way I want them to grow up.
I am learning that giving them a choice of "You can either do this, or be punished". Well what kind of a choice is that? I don't want them to be afraid of a choice. I want them to feel empowered by having a choice!
So right now my biggest issue with Thomas is changing his pajama shirt in the morning. He knows he needs to get a different shirt on, but he says no he wants to wear his pajama shirt. I have often thought of letting him go to school and telling everyone that it's his pajama shirt.....but then that is just letting him have his way and that is nothing but a downward spiral. I want him to learn to dress himself and pick out his own clothes, but they are going to be appropriate.
Otherwise we end up with Fashion By Thomas which looks something like this! Or even This.
Just because my boys pitch a fit does NOT mean they are going to get their way. I will not give in to that kind of behavior, it's not very becoming and it's inappropriate. So the other day I asked him if he wanted to pick the shirt he wanted to wear and you can almost see the wheels turning in his head. As if he was perking up to say "I can CHOSE what I want to wear?" He couldn't get to that drawer fast enough, so I picked out two shirts and asked him what he wanted, his dino shirt or his stripped green shirt. He sat and looked and looked and then he decided....the dino one is what he wanted to wear....and viola he didn't want his pajama shirt on anymore!
No tantrum, no over powering, no crying, no feelings of anger and resentment. It was a win-win for both of us. It doesn't always work because before my brain tells me that I need to give a choice not an order a tantrum is in full swing and he is no longer listening at which point he needs to go to his room until he can have his fill of his own tantrum.
So now it's your turn, tell me how you get out of some of your tantrums?
My Little Miracles
9 comments:
I throw my tantrums on Twitter, and I feel much better after.
Perfect solution! I'm always looking for new ideas. Parenting is a never-ending learning process!
Great idea Erin! I think I will likely end up having a very similar parenting style. It's about empowering them while keeping the power (unbeknownst to them) all to ourselves!
BTW, I probably would have picked the dino shirt too, LOL!
For a while I felt like every other word out of my mouth was time-out. We're trying something new - saying "no thank you" once and then removing the toddler from the non-desired behavior. It's going good thus far and I feel like it means less negativity coming from my mouth. We've also been doing "high five's" when he does something good.
Tantrums - T Rex is not a big tantrum thrower. He will gently lay himself on the ground and moan but that's usually the extent of it. If it escalates I have him move to his bedroom and that usually stops the tantrum since he no longer has an audience.
It's always nice to hear other moms going through the same stuff.
Never start the conversation with a question that can have a "NO" answer. So, don't say, "Do you want to change your shirt?"
Instead, ask, "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green one", just like you did.
They still have some power, and YOU get your way.
We do the "choice" thing here too. It's also nice that when they make a bad choice they have no one to blame but themselves.
I do the same thing! I let my boys chose what they want to wear and make other small choices so they feel like they have some control over their lives. It's amazing how much that helps!
I love the picture. Love it!
Great tips! Thanks for linking and I hope to see you over there every week b/c that would mean you are doing this Parent With Me thing every week too. That being said, I'm a huge pick-your-battles type mom. I am a stickler about somethings (safety, being courteous, not hurting your brothers, being respectful to adults), but other stuff, not so much. The clothing issue for example, #2 has developed quite a flamboyant style of dress and I kinda like it now. He wears accessories and likes brightly colored socks and stuff that some kids don't have the confidence to wear because he does look sorta different sometimes. I ensure that all of his clothing options are appropriate but the I let him chose form those and he's a cowboy boots and shorts guy through and through. And the jammie shirt. Here is our solution since #3 has become addicted to his. I make him put another shirt on over top of it. Seems to work for him and we both sort of win. Good luck and I have an undie head over here too!
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