Disclaimer: These are Different things I have and am learning about parenting. I'm not always right, as my kids will surely tell you if they had the words. I'm not always perfect, so these are things that work FOR ME....so Parent with me....tell me what works for you. Don't have kids? Doesn't matter, tell me what you think might work.
I have written before about being a full time mom and a working away from home mom, and as I have felt the Mommy Guilt about having to leave them with a nanny as well as at this awesome-I-couldn't-say-more-positive-awesome-excellent-I-Love-My-In-Home-Day-Care, day care, it didn't take long for that guilt to dissipate, when I discovered it isn't the AMOUNT of time I spend with my children it is the QUALITY of time that I have with them.
Life is busy enough as it is, work, errands to run, things to do, cleaning, laundry, doctor's appts, dental appts, shopping....I mean anybody with or without children can say that LIFE HAPPENS, and it's busy! So because of that I have been attempting to use GEMS with my children. Genuine Encounter Moments, which in layman's terms.... focused attention. It is defined as: attention with a special intensity born of direct personal involvement. Vital contact means being intimately open to the particular, unique qualities of your child.
I have noticed that my boys have been away from me all day long, they miss me, they want to tell me about their day in a way they know best. Sometimes that is "Mommy, look at me" or "Watch me Mommy, I can slide too". Not only are the boys competing against each other for my attention, but also with everything else that happens in life. That phone call, dinner making, shopping, watching TV. It's no wonder our children are constantly looking for our attention. The more you use GEMS the less they will strive to do anything negative....because we all know that negative attention is still attention, and it's better than being ignored!
One of these ways that the hubs and I have committed ourselves to this practice, is not only spending time independently with the boys. If I need to go to the store, why take both boys so they can not only compete for my attention with each other but also with the shopping? I take one, and leave the other at home with dad. Thomas gets to help with the shopping while Christopher gets some quality time with dad.
We make sure to spend our evenings with the boys, dinner....all of us, at the table, talking. If I need to run an errand, I take one boy with me, we have our quality time together. My attention is focused on my child first and foremost. Sure Christopher isn't "talking" more like grunting and pointing and crying. But he has my individual attention. Bath time, that is time for me and the boys to play together and be silly. And bedtime, a story, we talk about the story, we interact, and last but not least, I tell them I Love them.
Dad does the lawn and yard work every weekend, and Thomas is out there too, with Dad, mowing the lawn, picking weeds and planting flowers, that is his quality time with Dad, while Christopher gets to goof around with Mommy.
I have also noticed that confirming the behavior makes a HUGE difference. When Thomas is behaving and acting good, it's common place in our house to remind him what a good boy he is being and that Mommy and Daddy appreciate it when he is a good boy. When Christopher is behaving and doing what he is supposed to be doing, we tell him, you sure are being good, and to remind them always that they get attention even when they are being good. You don't have to be doing something negative to get my attention.
GEMS help develop children's self esteem, and In less than 2 minutes you can help a child feel loved, valuable, listened to and important.
I am also linking up with Dumb Mom again this week....need a Mom tip...want to share a Mom tip Head on over to her place, she makes parenting fun!
My Little Miracles
7 comments:
I had never heard it put like that, but I like it and it makes total sense!
It sounds like you are doing a wondeful job of making every moment count with your children. That is so wonderful. As a stay-at-home mom I sometimes feel guilty when I am doing things around the house and the kids are clamoring for my attention. I try to remind myself that the housework will always be there, that they won't always be so little or wanting my attention.
Great advice Erin! I love how you each get to spend quality time with the boys and also time as a family together!
Love the GEMS too...when I was still teaching child care we used to have a saying 'catch a child being good' and we would always thank and praise them for it! It really does go a long way!
GEMS are so good for a child's heart...I try to have as many of them as possible each day! :)
I've never heard this term but it makes sense. I think too many parents make the mistake of not including their kids in the everyday parts of life sometimes (as annoying as it can be). I know our Little One loves to hang out with us and help with yard work or even clean the bathroom or do laundry. And in turn, we make time to do what is important to him. I spend so much time with him that I feel like often "cheat" on him by trying to read ... but I comfort myself by reminding myself that he needs to play independently too.
Stopping by from SITS!
It is so hard to get that one on one time with each child as you go through the day to day. With 4 I find it really hard to get that time away with my older 2 because they are so independent. But on the days that the weather is nice instead of daddy driving them to school I walk them on the way we joke, tell silly stories, pester and annoy, chase, talk about how their day is going to go and so on. On those days I know they walk into school smiling :)
This is excellent. This is exactly what I try to do too but...it is also completely exhuasting. I have a very high maintenance 2 year old who, regardless of how much attention I give her, always needs to show me something, or ask me something, or be next to me. She is so tiring and inquisitive that it makes my head spin at times.
I can't even go to the bathroom by myslef. she just plain can't play alone. Sometimes Mommy needs a break too. Suggestions?
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