What a horrible Friday! Normally I LOVE Fridays, I can't wait for the day to be over, I go home and enjoy dinner with my family and I get to spend all weekend long with my adorable boys! And I'm still excited to spend my weekend with them. It's going to be another hot weekend, so we are looking forward to some swimming, and a visit from Grandma S and Aunt Tami, and a concert in the park with a Tribute to Johnny Cash, and we may even get to sneak in a dinner to ourselves!
But I just got the confirm on my surgery date....August 18th, The Hubs bday, what a wonderful way to spend your bday huh? Waiting at a surgery center for your wife to come out looking all nasty, and cut up and knowing me....probably barfing my guts out! (Happy Birthday Babe! lol) And just so everyone knows, this is so not a pitty post, or a "I want sympathy" post or any of that.
But I'm really scared about this surgery. Having it is no problem, I don't even care about the results of it. But I am scared that my boys will be afraid of me when they see Mommy all stitched up (since it's on my face) and looking horrible. I'm scared that they will take one look at me and cry. It's almost like when you have a grandparent or for some, even a parent, who are in their older years and they don't recognize you....brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it!
And since in my last post I told you that I am just stupidly emotional these days, actually more so since I had my boys then I ever was.....I used to be emotional but now I qualify as stupidly emotional... anyway, I digress....I am really worried about the boys reaction to me. Anyone in the world could cringe in horror, they could even scream in my face, tell me I look hideous, I need to wear a bag over my head, and I wouldn't care in the slightest...okay so I might care a teeny tiny bit, but not nearly as much as it would break my heart if that happens with my boys.
Now everyone keeps telling me I'm over reacting, if I don't make a big deal about it they won't. If I tell them Mommy has an owie they will look at it as that, and maybe so....maybe my oldest will just look with that inquisitive look that he gets and he may even want to touch it and say owie....but how do you tell my appendage....err I mean my 10 month old that and have him understand, and what if he starts crying when he sees me and thinks I am not his mommy anymore? Okay so maybe he won't think that, but still....does this make sense to anyone?
And it looks like my mom and I will be on the mend together since she goes in for surgery on the 17th! Well at least I'll have company in my misery! haha
My Little Miracles